Thanks but No Thanks-Why your Natural Hair advice isnt always needed.

Hey loves welcome back and happy Monday. So to start off the week I decided to get off my lazy butt and write a post. Coincidentally something happened this weekend involving my natural hair that I think warranted a post. It all started when I was on my way to the city on Saturday.

It was a bright gorgeous day with relatively no humidity to frizz or shrink up my hair so I decided to use the opportunity to wear it out.

My hair was in a stretched braid out which I placed in a topknot.


Let’s just say I was feeling myself.

So on to what happened. I was on a Bus to get to the main city. Now mind you where I live is about a 25mins commute to my destination. But then again I was feeling myself so no worries.

Being in a Caribbean country it is HOT so to relive this heat all windows in said bus were down and naturally my lucisious kinks where flowing ( ok more like whipping) in the breeze.


About 20 minutes into the drive I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around I saw a mature lady who proceeded to give me some natural hair ‘advice’.

“If you cornrow it down ‘tightly’ while wet and you unplait it, your hair will come out more curly like mine” She said gesturing a cornrowing motion with her hands.

She then proceeded to show me her hair which was indeed very curly.

HOWEVER…. I need to point out that this lady was mixed…i’m assuming from kalinago decent which is a race of people native to my country.



Native Kalinago, Dominica

So I proceeded to patiently tell her

” My hair is Kinky so it does not curl as yours would..”

Before I could finish she interrupted me saying

“Yes if you do it properly it will curl!!”

At that point I had had enough in trying to explain myself(and  the fact that my hair would need a lot more than just water and cornrows to curl)…so proceeded to smile and tell her that I would try it her way.

Looking satisfied she sat back down.



While I understand this lady was trying to help me at the same time the fact that she refused to try to accept what i was telling her about MY hair reallyyyy annoyed me.

Not to mention that if i simply wet my hair and cornrowed it then undid it id be dealing with a HOT MESS on my head.

Why do other women feel like its ok to give someone advice and refuse to take into account what the other person is telling you or the fact that maybe they wanted their hair in that particular style…especially since said person has a different texture than you.

I personally feel like if you cant do this you need to take several seats and maybe reconsider offering so called ‘advice’.

What do you think? Have you ever had an experience  like this? Leave comments down below.





8 Responses
  • Xa
    June 13, 2016

    I get that often too. But from people with hair much longer and thicker than mine. Telling me how my hair would be fuller if I would just do *insert hair advice here*. It’s annoying.

  • Mary M Francis
    June 13, 2016

    Hahaha..this had me smiling to the end. She probably thought the wind was messing your hair and thought you could use some help 🙂
    Advise from others isn’t always bad since we can get some good pointers. However, at the end of the day we all need to know what works for us. Some people just don’t know better but their intentions are not to annoy us.

  • Ann M. Joseph
    June 13, 2016

    I haven’t had advice like this on hair but on other things in life…It’s annoying when someone thinks that what worked for them would definitely work for you as if to say that we are twins. In life even if destinations are the same we all have our own different paths to getting there. I’m sure every doctor has a different story. Even the ones who lived in the same dorms during med. school. Something different was going on inside of them

    .I appreciate conversations/discussions. it’s during these times that we get nuggets that fit into the paths of our lives but giving information in a demanding manner in the name of “advice” should not be done. I see it as looking down on someone to give them information without hearing their side. Look if you call the IRS they are going to ask for your social security number, your address etc at least to confirm it’s you. This is “your information” that you are giving to them in order for them to help you. Same in life. Why would you want to give someone advice before you even know their problem (info). Then again….

  • blussianmommy
    June 13, 2016

    I don’t get the natural hair tips but I have received more than a few, ‘Why don’t you get a relaxer?’ or ‘Why is your hair short like a boy?’ or ‘Why did you do all of that to your hair?’ or ‘You would probably save a lot of money if you just went to the salon, right?’

    I used to think people were trying to help but I’ve come to the conclusion they don’t like the way I look so they want me to mold it to what THEY think is appropriate. The moment I realized that, I no longer cared, LOL.

    • kerdishastlouis
      June 14, 2016

      I really like your way of viewing it you put what I was thinking into words ..❤️❤️

  • missmondaymonday
    June 14, 2016

    I receive unsolicited advice all the time about my natural hair. Or recommendations for products when I haven’t asked for recommendations. I usually nod and smile and think of countless other things while people are talking. In other words, I’m not listening. 😉 I call it the smile and nod routine. And since most women don’t share the same hair texture (like in your example), what worked for you likely won’t work for me. And again, I didn’t ask! LOL

  • shannydelioness
    June 17, 2016

    I usually get complaints from older ladies because i like to wear my hair “wild” as they say & it really annoys me but what annoys me more (forgive me if i’m going off topic) is that a lot of these so called “natural” IG pages & websites constantly present images of mixed naturals with curly coils & give little regards for natural ladies with beautiful kinky manes. If those who seek to empower us are putting out images that don’t fit the image the public sees no wonder random people love to give unnecessary hair advice.

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